Who's Opinion are You Idolizing?

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear…” — 1 John 4:18 (NIV)

Yesterday at discipleship group, a gentleman was talking with a woman about Jesus as the Bridegroom and how He was calling her to follow Him. Listening to them made me think about my own family. I started asking myself, Am I a bad person for walking away from my parents and my daughter?

Then the conversation turned to Jesus’ teaching about turning the other cheek. The same woman asked how far we’re supposed to go with that. We talked about how following Jesus doesn’t mean we have to let someone keep hurting us or treat us like a doormat or a punching bag. And I started crying.

That’s when I began to understand something I hadn’t been able to put into words: I had been giving my family’s opinions so much power that I was putting them ahead of what God says about me. I had spent so much of my life hoping they would see my worth, love me, and recognize that I had changed. I’ve been sober for two and a half years, and it hurt that they hadn’t given me the chance I longed for to show them who I am now. Carrying that hurt was draining me physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I finally shared something I hadn’t told anyone in the group. My dad, Bob, was abusive - physically, mentally, verbally, all of it. We won't go into details on this one, but let's just say that it was normal for us to tell each other to "F off", or worse, days of him giving the silent treatment when I want to talk, or he would just go to the bar and bash his "worthless, f'ed up kid" to all of his friends.

When I was growing up, I couldn’t understand how people could tell me Jesus was kind, loving, and funny. I imagined Him waiting to strike me with a lightning bolt whenever I did something wrong. I had to study and search for the truth because I needed to know for myself that Jesus really was different from what I had experienced.

Every little girl wants to marry someone like her dad (dads of daughters, remember this please) - and I did, unfortunately. I say unfortunately, because now I've passed it on to my daughter. But Jesus has shown me that His love is not abuse, belittling, or fear. Following Him has meant taking up my cross and trusting Him, even when that meant stepping away from family relationships that were hurting me. I didn’t walk away because I stopped loving them. I still love my family and want good things for them. I walked away because I couldn’t keep letting myself be punched down, degraded, and belittled while hoping that one day their approval would finally make me feel worthy.

I’m still learning that I can love people, forgive them, and hope for healing while also having boundaries. Turning the other cheek doesn’t mean I have to stay where I’m being harmed. Sometimes following Jesus means trusting Him enough to walk away and let Him carry what I cannot fix. My worth does not depend on whether the people I love are able to see it. I’m learning to let Jesus tell me who I am.

Reflection Questions

1. Whose opinion has been weighing most heavily on how I see myself?

2. Do I believe Jesus is kind and loving toward me, even when I make mistakes?

3. What boundary might help me protect my peace while still wishing someone well?

Prayer

Jesus, thank You for meeting me in the hurt I’ve carried for so long. Help me see myself through Your eyes and trust Your love more than I fear rejection. Teach me to forgive with a tender heart, set wise boundaries, and hope for healing without making someone else’s approval the measure of my worth. Amen.